Posted by marilyn on August 05, 2002 at 17:45:19:
My husband and I separated physically about a year or so ago. During that time, I have always made him aware of my child's activities, performances, school conferences, etc. He never showed. He is not strong in support, but does pay when I put the pressure on. He never calls my child (I even set up her own voicemail system so he could leave messages for her if he didn't want to speak to me). He never calls. My daughter has told her therapist she wants nothing to do with him. I have tried over and over again to establish a relationship with him but his social life always takes precedence.
He now claims he never got the voicemails, emails, etc. regarding the activities and says the reason he doesn't want to see her is he doesn't want to have me tag along. The psychiatrist does not want my daughter alone with her father and she does not want to be alone with him either. His past history has a lot to do with this. I have even offered that he seek counseling with my daughter at an independent psychiatrist so he doesn't feel I'm influencing anyone in any manner. I came froma divorced home and I feel a girl's relationship with her father is paramount as I never had one. He claims I'm trying to keep her away from him because I had no father which is totally absurd.
Now suddenly he wants to repair the damage with my daughter but she wants nothing to do with him and cries in fear that I might make her see him. The psychologist feels if she is not ready, she should not be forced in any way. I agree. She does not need anymore trauma in her life.
How will the courts handle such a situation as this. For the almost 2 years he has been gone, I did all I could to foster the relationship and he did all he could to ignore both my daughter and myself. He has a very bad history, and although he is working, his hours are long. I am forbidden from letting him be alone with my daughter and it is based on one time when he did see her over a year and a half ago and left her alone in the car while he went to the bank (she was 5 then) and then took her to breakfast and she came home saying he had a "heineken" instead of food. This is not the reason he cannot be alone with her - it is for many other more flagrant issues.
When I file for divorce will the courts consider my daughter's wishes and his prior behavior of not calling or showing up for visitation on weekends or at her activities and holidays? I'm deeply distressed and concerned. Would they even consider joint custody or just supervised visits at this point.
I'm so clueless. Many thanks.